Ask Questions – They Open Doors When You're Stuck

 ‘Yaar, what to do in this pandemic?’ asked Rinku. ‘It’s getting to me.’

‘Nothing,’ said Rahul. ‘It’s hopeless.’

‘Rahul, if you conclude so quickly how can we find other, better possibilities?’ asked Rakesh.

‘What bhaiyya?’ said Rahul. ‘There are no possibilities.’

‘Again!’ said Rakesh. ‘Don’t jump to find answers Rahul. Once you conclude, you’re left with only one possibility. Whereas, when you stay with questions, possibilities open up. Instead of closing the door, try saying “wonder what’s possible?”

‘Sounds interesting,’ said Rinku.  ‘Let’s try it again – what can we do during the pandemic Rahul?’

‘It feels hopeless… but I wonder what’s possible during the lockdown?’ said Rahul.  ‘Hmm, you’re right bhaiyya, it does feel better to leave it open with a question.’

‘Feels light right?’ smiled Rakesh. ‘I wonder why we’re quick to conclude instead of asking questions?’

‘Because smart people ‘know’ answers bhaiyya,’ said Rinku.

‘Which is why no one asks questions in class right?’ laughed Rakesh. ‘Because it’s considered smart to act like we ‘know’ and not ask questions; while the really smart ones ask questions and learn from everyone. So what do you think helps really– questions or answers?’

‘Questions clearly,’ said Rinku. ‘But what’s wrong with knowing answers bhaiyya?’

‘Rinku,’ smiled Rakesh. ‘The problem’s with hasty and half-baked answers. If you conclude that – “it won’t work” or “there’s no way out” you’re stuck. Instead of looking for solutions and possibilities, you defend your conclusion. Remember, whenever you’re stuck, ask yourself if you’re asking the right questions –ones that open possibilities and make you feel lighter. ’

‘So questions carry us forward then?’ asked Rahul.

‘If not for questions, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right?’ asked Rakesh. ‘Questions open and expand thought. They’re like keys, opening doors to unknown treasures, while conclusions are like locks, closing things. Stay with questions and possibilities open beyond imagination. Always stay open for better, don’t conclude.’

‘Wow, so many benefits to staying in the ‘wonder-what’s-possible-mode’ bhaiyya?’ asked Rinku.

‘Yes Rinku,’ said Rakesh. ‘Staying open with questions makes life less stressful– there’s no burden of having to ‘know’ all the answers. With every question, we learn something new and discover solutions we didn’t know existed. Questions also include others and lead to healthy debates and relationships. And certainly, asking questions makes us more open, humble and flexible.’

‘Bhaiyya, is there a right way to ask questions?’ asked Rahul.

‘Well Rahu, our questions should provoke thought and elicit answers, even if they’re different from ours,’ said Rakesh. ‘Don’t use questions to put others down. Use questions to enquire, gain confidence and trust, begin honest conversations and to open possibilities. If you encourage the habit of asking open-ended questions, of yourselves and others, instead of jumping to conclusions, life throws up wonderful possibilities. Even during these stressful times.’

‘Thanks bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘How to make heavenly chai is the question now.’

Pro Tip: Questions open limitless possibilities. To move forward, ask the right questions.

 

Exercise: Have a conversation with a friend for five minutes about something common to both of you. At the end of the conversation, figure who spoke how much percentage of time. If you spoke longer that means you were mostly spending time finding answers, and not listening or asking questions. Try it again this time with questions that provoke answers from the other side. Stop yourself from quickly finding answers and instead, stay with questions.