Cant’ Decide – Choose What’s Good for You!

 ‘Bhaiyya, I got mad at Mom and walked out without breakfast,’ said Rahul. ‘I’m hungry now.’

‘Wow!’ said Rakesh. ‘Do you do things like that too Rinku? I I did it many times.’

‘Yes bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘I once stopped studying for an exam because my father told me to get better marks. I promptly stopped studying and got low marks.’

‘Wonderful,’ said Rakesh. ‘And I gave up playing cricket because my coach scolded me. We’re all members of the Cut-Off-Our-Nose-to-Spite-our-Face Club.’

‘What’s that bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘It means that we hurt ourselves thinking we’re hurting someone else,’ said Rakesh. ‘But actually we hurt ourselves by not doing something that’s good for us, something we love. Simply because someone said something we didn’t like. To get back at them, we hurt ourselves. Dumb isn’t it? Why give up something that’s good for us because of someone else?’

‘What to do bhaiyya,’’ said Rahul. ‘I get mad when Mom tells me when to get up, how to dress, etc.’

‘And I get mad when Dad tells me what to do and how,’ said Rinku. ‘When I get 95% all his focus is on the other 5% and not the 95% I scored.’

‘I know,’ said Rakesh. ‘But we have to be smarter.  Not hurt ourselves like idiots. It’s not helping anyone, least of all us. Fine, mom, dad and coach are not giving us feedback the way we like it. But can we make the best out of the situation?’

‘How bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘By not taking their feedback personally to begin with,’ said Rakesh. ‘Be objective. They may have a difference in opinion about how to do things. That’s ok. Listen. But, do what is good for you.’

‘Can we do what’s good for us even if they object?’ asked Rinku.

‘Of course,’ said Rakesh. ‘Doing what’s good for you includes taking the good in what they are saying too. Typically if feedback irritates us, there’s probably some truth in it so if we can use it to learn and grow, that’s best. That’s what making lemonade when lemons are thrown at you is about.’

‘It’s not easy bhaiyya,’ said Rinku.

‘It is,’ said Rakesh. ‘If we keep our big ego aside, we can eat our breakfast, study well, play and also learn and grow. Just a small shift - of deciding not to take things personally. I’m sure we’ll have more fun that way than sulking and going hungry.’

‘But what about them?’ asked Rinku. ‘When will they understand?’

‘They may or may not,’ smiled Rakesh. ‘Whichever way, you’ll be doing what’s best for you instead of hurting yourself. That should be good enough for everyone. I’m sure everyone will understand each others’ perspectives at some point.’

‘Yes bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘Hot chai and samosas are good for me right now.’

Pro Tip: Whatever the provocation, do what is good for you. Don’t hurt yourself to prove a point. It’s a waste of time.

 

Exercise: Have students share their stories about an incident where they did something to please someone else, which was not good for them. Discuss why they did that and the repercussions and how they can choose in their favour next time.

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