Dilemma? - Never Make Fear-Based Decisions

 ‘Rinku, I’m not able to decide,’ said Rahul. ‘My friends want me to go to a party but I want to stay at home.’

‘I can’t believe you have problems like deciding between partying and staying at home,’ said Rinku. ‘Rakesh bhaiyya, I have more serious dilemmas. My father wants me to go to the US to study after my graduation. But I want to work for two years before I take up higher studies. How do I decide?’

‘Hmm,’ laughed Rakesh. ‘You’re asking someone who finds it difficult to decide between tea and coffee, biscuits and samosas.’

‘Come on bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘How to decide? Playing vs studying, friends vs family, our choices vs parent’s choices. We’re always caught between these things.’

‘Yup,’ said Rakesh. ‘Guess all decisions are difficult. Let’s try and figure it out. Let’s take your case first Rahul - it’s simpler. What do you want to do? Stay home or party?’

‘Stay home bhaiyya,’ said Rahul with a sigh. ‘I feel like a quiet evening by myself.’

 ‘Then?’ asked Rakesh.

‘My friends might get upset if I don’t go,’ said Rahul. ‘They might stop inviting me to parties. I might even lose my friends.’

‘Ok, so it’s the fear of losing your friends that’s making you think again, right?’ said Rakesh. ‘By yourself, you’d have listened to your own feeling. I’d say the right decision is to stay home then.’

‘But why bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul. ‘How about my friends then?’

‘Rahul, any decision made out of fear is flawed a bit because fear clouds our judgment,’ said Rakesh. ‘If you stick to your original decision, two things are possible - either your friends accept your decision, or they’ll stop inviting you. Now, if they’re really your friends, they’ll respect your decision. Else, good riddance. You’re better off honouring your feelings and being yourself, instead of doing things you don’t like to please others who don’t understand you. Don’t you think?’

‘Yes, bhaiyya.’

‘What about me bhaiyya?’ asked Rinku.

‘Same goes for you too Rinku,’ said Rakesh. ‘Make your decision unconditionally, without fear of losing someone or something. Most times our decisions are clouded by fear - of what others think, others getting offended, missing out on things we don’t really want etc. Go for what you want Rinku, not what you fear losing.’

‘Rahul can lose his friends bhaiyya,’ said Rinku.  ‘But I can’t lose my parents.’

‘Of course you won’t lose them,’ laughed Rakesh. ‘Because those who truly love you will understand what you really want and support you in getting it, Rinku. Whichever way, it may not help us if we make our decisions to please others - at our cost.’

‘I’ll stop ordering stale samosas to please Liaquat from now on bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘Chai and fresh samosas only. No more fear-based decisions.’

‘Cheers to a fresh start,’ said Rinku.

Pro tip: Don’t make decisions based on the fear of losing something. Instead, decide in favour of what you want.

 

Exercise: Make groups of two. Have each student pick a situation where they are in a dilemma and have to decide. Ask them to share if they are deciding based out of fear of losing something. Ask them what would happen if they decided without the fear of losing.

 

 

 

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