Focus on what you want – Not on What You Don’t Want

 ‘Bhaiyya, it’s upsetting to hear about the violence and unrest all around,’ said Rinku. ‘Really wish I could do something about it.’

‘We should join the fight against violence too,’ said Rahul. ‘Right bhaiyya?’

‘The idea of ‘fighting’ against violence is itself violent Rahul,’ laughed Rakesh. ‘And trust me, if you ‘don’t want’ violence, you’ll end up with more violence.’

‘What are you saying bhaiyya?’ asked Rinku.

‘If you want something, focus on what ‘you want’. Not on what you ‘don’t want’. When you focus on fighting against violence, where’s your focus?’

‘On fighting,’ said Rinku. ‘And violence.’

‘Right,’ said Rakesh. ‘Anything you focus on grows. So violence grows. Fighting grows.’

‘So what should we do bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul. ‘Just keep quiet?’

‘If you really want to change the situation and not worsen it, Rahul, I suggest you focus on what you want. Like if you want to ‘win’ or ‘succeed’, focus on ‘winning’ and ‘succeeding’ and not on ‘I don’t want to lose or fail’. Now tell me, what is it that you both want?’

‘We want peace,’ said Rinku. ‘Justice. Equality. Unity. Oneness.’

‘Wonderful,’ said Rakesh. ‘As opposed to fighting against violence, inequality, division, discrimination losing, failing, etc. Don’t the ‘I don’t want’ words sound harsh and unpleasant compared to your ‘I want’ words?’

‘Yes bhaiyya,’ said Rinku.

‘Choosing what you want needs clarity,’ said Rakesh. ‘It’s hard in the beginning, but once you choose clearly, things change. For example, if you choose peace, you’ll think, talk, act peacefully. New peaceful possibilities emerge. You will create peace within yourself first, and consequently, you’ll spread peace around you.’

‘But that’s too passive and slow bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘Just changing our words and doing nothing else.’

‘Real and lasting change always comes from within Rahul,’ said Rakesh. ‘It starts within you. It appears passive but it gets you results. Easily. With less effort, time and energy.’

‘What’s wrong with fighting bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘Nothing’s wrong, but if you can do it without fighting why not try it,’ laughed Rakesh. ‘Remember this you two - always act out of choice, not as a reaction. As a simple rule, ‘I don’t wants’ are reactions and ‘I wants’ are choices. Reactions get you more of what you don’t want. Choices get you what you want. So choose well.’

‘Yes bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘Change within by focusing on what we really want. And when we change, we change the world. One person at a time.’

‘Wow,’ said Rahul. ‘That’s a great start to the New Year.’

‘Let’s begin with choosing a Happy New Year!’ said Rakesh. ‘As opposed to not-wanting-an-unhappy-New-Year. And, let’s choose to focus on kadak masala chais as well!’

Pro Tip: If you really want something, focus on what you want. If you focus on what you don’t want instead, you’ll get more of what you don’t want. Choose what you focus on carefully.

 

Exercise: Pick two things – one you want and one thing you have in abundance. Observe your thoughts around them. You will find that for what you want, you probably have lack thoughts– (it going away, reducing, not having, not good enough etc) and for what you have in abundance, you probably don’t give much thought to its going away (it growing, being grateful for it, enjoying the way it is, falling in love with it).

Share your experience and apply the same principle to what you want in life – giving it positive focus.