Overwhelmed? - Focus On What You Can Control

Rahul and Rinku added Rakesh on a conference call.

‘I’m stressed out,’ screamed Rinku.

‘Me too,’ said Rahul. ‘Whether it’s the virus or the exams or the economy or my future, everything appears bleak and scary. I feel helpless.’

‘Same here fellows,’ said Rakesh. ‘Sometimes I wonder where our stress and anxiety comes from though. Let’s try to figure that out shall we? What’s making you anxious Rahul?’

‘Thinking about what will happen to me bhaiyya,’ said Rahul

‘Hmm,’ said Rinku. ‘Which means we’re anxious and stressed about the future. We’re not worried about the past or the present. Good Rahul. Now tell us what is it about the future that causes you anxiety?’

Rahul thought for a moment. ‘The uncertainty,’ he said. ‘The fact that I don’t know.’

‘So,’ said Rakesh. ‘Anything we’re reasonably certain about, we’re not stressed. And anything that is uncertain, stresses us out. To reduce our anxiety, we must reduce the cause of the uncertainty it looks like. How, is the question?’

Everyone thought.

 ‘Bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘Our coach used to tell us that the best way to handle performance anxiety is to focus on what we can control, and not worry about what we cannot control.

‘True,’ said Rakesh. ‘We cannot control the future, the virus, government policy, education policy etc. But there are other things we can control - our thoughts and actions.’

‘Yes bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘We can control what we feed our mind by being careful with the information we consume bhaiyya. In case of the virus, which is a major source of stress, we can check the government’s website or the WHO or CDC websites for reliable information. We can stop looking at unverified forwards which only add to uncertainty and stress.‘

‘We can control our actions bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘Instead of checking our phones continuously, we can learn about and practice social distancing, wash our hands properly and regularly, isolate ourselves if exposed, seek medical help if symptoms worsen.’

‘And since we cannot control when and how our exams will be held,’ said Rakesh. ‘We can control our preparation, planning and organising our effort, seeking help, clarifying doubts and revising till we are satisfied.’

Rinku nodded.

‘Focusing on what we can control keeps us grounded in the present reality bhaiyya,’ she said. ‘It gives us something constructive to do. Stressing about what’s happening miles away or imagining scary outcomes in the future does not help. Taking actions and following correct processes now will however help us and others in the future in a big way.’

‘I feel less anxious now bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘Instead of checking and forwarding useless messages, I’ll sanitise my phone, hands, surroundings, educate the maid and dhobi. Maybe even educate Liaquat. These are in my control.’

Pro Tip. To reduce stress and anxiety, focus only on what you can control – your thoughts and actions. Focusing on what you cannot control, increases uncertainty and causes anxiety and stress.

 

Exercise: Have students share something they are stressed out about or anxious about. Tell them to write it down and then write what they can control and what they cannot control in that situation. Tell them to focus all their attention only on what they can control – their thoughts, words and actions – for ten minutes. Ask them to share how they are feeling after.