That’s What Friends Are For

 ‘Rahul’s busy having fun bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘He’s got new friends.’

‘What’s life without friends, bhaiyya?’ laughed Rahul.

‘True,’ said Rakesh. ‘You know, studies show that people who’ve got close friends live longer, healthier and happier lives. And, not having confidants is as bad for our health as smoking, not exercising or being overweight.’

‘See Rinku,’ said Rahul. ‘Have more friends. You’ll live longer and be happier.’

‘Nope,’ said Rinku. ‘I prefer my few friends who’re there for me.’

‘Arre, you don’t choose friends because they’re useful to you,’ said Rahul. ‘Friends are for fun.’

‘Not so simple Rahul,’ smiled Rakesh. ‘There’s a saying by Jim Rohn that we’re the average of the five people we meet the most. Tell me, how are your five closest friends affecting you?’

‘My new friends and I mainly hang out at coffee shops,’ said Rahul. ‘Then there’s Rinku and you. Do friends really affect us bhaiyya?’

‘Yes,’ said Rakesh. ‘We unconsciously start acting like people we surround ourselves with. So it’s important to choose your close squad of friends carefully. Surround yourself with people better than you - and you get better. For example, if you surround yourself with people who’re fitter than you, chances are you’ll get fitter too. And, vice versa.’

‘Should we abandon friends who’re struggling then?’asked Rahul.

‘Not really,’ said Rakesh. ‘Help them, but not at your cost. Friendships should make both parties grow through healthy give and take. If it’s only one way, it’s unhealthy for both. By being the best you can be, you help yourself and your friends in better ways.’

‘So how do good friendships work bhaiyya?’ asked Rinku.

‘Good friendships are positive and happy spaces,’ said Rakesh. ‘They enable an equal, safe and secure space to confide. They act as a safety net and help both parties grow. How do your friendships compare?’

‘My close friends are good bhaiyya,’ said Rinku.

‘Errr, couple of my friends are unreliable bhaiyya?’  said Rahul. ‘I thought friends are forever so I put up with them. What to do bhaiyya?’

‘The book ‘Change Anything’ offers a nice solution,’ said Rakesh. ‘It suggests that you convert your ‘accomplices’, those who’re holding you back in your current pattern, into ‘friends’ who support your aspirations. If your ‘accomplices’ agree to become your ‘friends’, great. If not, drop them. By dropping a few ‘accomplices’ and adding just two ‘friends’, things change by 60%.’

‘Wow,’ said Rinku. ‘And bhaiyya, whom should we avoid?’

‘Those who sap your energy, make you feel lesser,’ said Rakesh. ‘Those who betray, insult, lie, abuse, push you to take unnecessary risks, are negative, dependent, don’t listen, meddle and break promises. Just avoiding these types makes your life much better.’

‘Thanks bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘To celebrate our friendship I’m going to drink green tea like you do.’

Pro Tip: Your close friends have a big impact on your life. Convert or drop ‘accomplices’ who hold you back, and add ‘friends’ who help your growth.

 

Exercise:  Make groups of two and have them share to one another how their ‘big five’ have influenced them – positively and negatively. Can they convert some of these accomplices into friends? Can they add new friends to grow in new areas?

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