To See Clearly and Act Decisively, Separate Fact From Fiction )

 ‘Bhaiyya, Rinku stopped her athletics training,’ said Rahul. ‘She doesn’t like her coach.’

‘And Rahul quit his music lessons,’ said Rinku. ‘He’s not happy with the other students.’

‘I thought you loved your athletics and music,’ said Rakesh. ‘Don’t tell me you’re making the Big Mistake many people do.’

‘What bhaiyya?’ asked Rinku.

‘Of taking simple issues, building complicated stories around them, and giving up on what you love,’ said Rakesh. ‘So what happened really?’

‘I didn’t like the way coach talked to me,’ said Rinku. ‘He said I wasn’t putting in enough effort.’

‘And I don’t like my co-students bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘They’ve formed a group and keep me out of it.’

‘So, though you actually enjoy athletics and music, you’re punishing yourself for what someone said or did right?’ asked Rakesh. ‘If you quit like this, you’ll be quitting a lot of things you love in future.’

‘But the entire experience is spoilt because of these people bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘It’s not fun anymore.’

‘You’re only adding to your story Rinku,’ smiled Rakesh. ‘Instead, keep it in perspective? If coach said something unpleasant it’s a mere 5% of your total experience right? You still have 95% to enjoy. Why give up something you love for such a trivial thing?’

‘True,’ said Rinku. ‘But I’m not able to get over it bhaiyya.’

‘That’s because your big ego built a huge drama around a simple fact,’ said Rakesh. ‘Fact - Coach said ‘put in more effort. Story - Coach does not like me, he thinks I’m lazy, I’m no good, I’m bad and he’s bad etc etc. Once you start this story, it becomes bigger and more real in your head each time you think about it. You’ve taken a simple statement or incident, made it about you, and painted the whole experience with it. You’ve made something you love into something distasteful. You’ll keep messing up relationships, giving up on what you want and get frustrated if you don’t learn. Same goes for you Rahul.’ 

‘How do we deal with it bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘Simple, separate facts from your work of fiction,’ smiled Rakesh. ‘When you don’t take it personally, you’ll see clearly.’ 

‘Hmm, I can take coach’s words at face value,’ said Rinku. ‘I can work harder. It’s good for me.’

‘I can enjoy my music,’ said Rahul. ‘If they make their own group, it’s not about me.’

‘Yes,’ said Rakesh. ‘Keep it simple. You’ll meet all kinds. Even if they say or do nasty things, deal with them, the facts, and continue to enjoy doing what you love.’

‘Thanks bhaiyya,’ said  Rahul. ‘That’s helpful. Fact – I want chai. Short story - I’ll make it.’

Pro Tip: Keep things simple. Separate facts from the stories you created about them by taking them personally. Life gets way simpler, easier and enjoyable.


 

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