Self-Confidence is a Skill

 ‘I made a presentation today,’ said Rahul. ‘Everyone told me to be more confident.’

‘I have an interview coming up and I’m short of confidence too,’ said Rinku. 

‘Not to worry,’ said Rakesh. ‘Confidence or self-confidence is having confidence in our abilities to handle whatever comes up. Most times we feel we don’t know enough or we’re not good enough. The gap between others expectations and our ability to meet those expectations shrinks us. Be it an interview, presentation, voicing opinions, social skills etc we feel we can’t meet those expectations. What most don’t realise is that self-confidence is a skill. It can be improved with practice.’

‘Really?’ said Rahul.  ‘How?’

‘The building blocks for self-confidence are our thoughts, words and actions,’ said Rakesh. ‘Since the biggest confidence-breakers are negative thoughts and negative self-talk stop them now. If possible, replace them with positive thoughts and words. Stay focused on the best outcomes we want. That’s a huge step forward.’

‘Ok bhaiyya,’ nodded Rinku.

‘Next, take action,’ said Rakesh. ‘Every confident performer practices extensively –writing stuff down, rehearsing exhaustively in front of a mirror, recording themselves, correcting body language, posture, tone,  delivery. Which means, for every situation we don’t feel confident in – from speeches to saying hello - we need to practice. The more we practice, the better we get, and the more confident we become. The more confidence we build from practice, the less it is affected by negative talk from others.’

‘Never thought of it like that,’ asked Rinku. ‘How much should we prepare bhaiyya?’

‘Until it becomes second nature,’ said Rakesh. ‘Work on every area that bothers you until you feel confident enough. Practice, get feedback, correct and practice again. Build little wins every day. Every extra repetition builds muscle to your confidence.’

‘Bhaiyya, what if we lose confidence before the event?’ asked Rinku.

‘Good question,’ smiled Rakesh. ‘Despite our preparation, we sometimes lose confidence when the big moment comes. This loss of confidence is not real – it’s fuelled by scary stories of our past and future that we tell ourselves. The key is to stay present by breathing deeply, stop telling yourself scary stories, trust your preparation and deliver what you prepared for.’ 

‘Bhaiyya, can we be confident if we have no time to prepare?’ asked Rahul.

‘Yes,’ said Rakesh. ‘Nothing comes our way that we can’t handle. Trust yourself. Tell yourself to do the best with what you have. It’s about what you know, not what you don’t know, so back yourself, own it, and deal with the situation in your unique way.’

‘Thanks bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘I feel more confident now.’

Pro Tip: Self-confidence is a skill and can be built by preparing well. To build self-confidence, focus on what you know, work on areas of doubt and back yourself to handle whatever comes your way with what you know.