Your Self-Esteem Can Make or Break You

 ‘Rahul,’ said Rinku. ‘We discussed self-confidence last week, but what’s self-esteem?’

‘They’re the same no?’ said Rahul.

‘There’s a difference,’ said Rakesh. ‘Self-confidence is your belief in your abilities. Whereas self-esteem is how you regard yourself, your rating of yourself. Interestingly, it has nothing to do with your ability.’

‘You mean we could have all the ability and still rate ourselves lowly?’ said Rahul.

‘Yes,’ said Rakesh. ‘That’s why self-esteem can make or break us. An unhealthy self-esteem leads to under-utilisation of our potential while a healthy self-esteem can make us feel deserving and worthy, leading to fulfillment of our potential.’

‘What’s unhealthy self-esteem bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘Low self-esteem makes people feel less than, inadequate,’ said Rakesh. ‘Their sense of self depends on others, who they’re eager to please, making them easy targets to manipulate. They are overly sensitive to criticism and afraid of making mistakes, leading to inaction. They withdraw socially and keep themselves small. At the other extreme is narcissism, where people feel an excessive and disproportionate admiration for themselves. Both are unhealthy - feeling less than and greater than.’

‘And those with healthy self-esteem?’ asked Rinku.

‘They feel equal,’ said Rakesh. ‘People with a healthy self-esteem love and accept themselves as they are. They realise they’re unique. They’re know their strengths and limitations, take initiative and learn from mistakes. They are at ease socially, communicate assertively and are open to feedback. They’re not dependent on others opinions because they’ve a healthy opinion of themselves.’

‘I’d like a healthy self-esteem bhaiyya,’ said Rahul.

‘Change your old story then,’ smiled Rakesh. ‘Someone made us feel small in the past and we believe that story and maintain a low self-esteem. Worse, we grow that singular story over time with our self-talk. So stop your negative self-talk first. Instead, focus on the positives, however small, - your strengths, empowering stories, grand visions - and reinforce them. Secondly, protect yourself from people who harm your self-esteem and choose those who strengthen it. When you nourish your self-esteem with a healthy diet of thoughts, emotions and actions, your story changes and you’ll soon be topping your ratings chart.’

‘But how exactly does a healthy self-esteem help us fulfill our potential bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘When we regard ourselves as someone who’s important to us, who matters, we focus our energy on ourselves,’ said Rakesh. ‘We treat ourselves well, stop criticizing ourselves, stop comparing with others. This shift in perspective results in using all our resources towards our good, thereby fulfilling our potential.’

‘Wow,’ said Rinku. ‘Thanks bhaiyya. I’ll work on building a healthy self-esteem right away.’

Pro tip: To do justice to your unique gifts, talents and potential, build a healthy self-esteem. Regard yourself as equal and capable in your own eyes, irrespective of others opinions. It’s what you think of yourself that matters, not what others think.