The Leadership Series - Leaders and the Cost of Ego

‘Rinku, did you hear how Sushmitaspoke about the work their group has done in the meeting?’ said Rahul. ‘I feel she is too egoistic. Fine, they did some good work but why go on about it. Leaders should be humble, have no ego.’

‘But I felt she was presenting her team in good light,’ said Rinku. ‘That much pride should be taken when one does some good work right?I’m sure there is a balance between ego and humility right bhaiyya?’

‘Good question,’ said Rakesh. ‘Our ego is not really a bad thing. It can be our greatest asset or our biggest liability - if we don’t understand it. As we know, ego can spark drive and intent to achieve while a lack of ego can led to apathy and insecurity. David Marcum and Steven Smith have addressed the issue of the costs of ego in their book ‘egonomics’.They found that ego costs 6-15% of total revenue in business, over a third of failed businesses and bad executive decisions are due to ego issues and81% managers push their decisions by ego and not by quality of idea. If we understand ego, we understand the human side of business, and that’s how we can make it a great asset.’

‘Wow, 6-15% is a huge cost,’ said Rahul. ‘I always knew ego was bad. But I didn’t realize it could be an asset as well.’

‘Firstly, understand that, as with everything,ego also works in a continuum,’ said Rakesh. ‘It’s not all good or bad - there are degrees and our ego movesbetween good on one hand and bad on the other. It works best when it’s balanced. Ego also costs us most in a few specific moments when we get egoistically hijacked. These big moments make or break things for us and if we can handle them, we can make a success of anything.’

‘How can we identify harmful egobhaiyya?’ ask Rinku.

‘Harmful ego shows up in these following behaviors according to the authors,’ said Rakesh. ‘Comparing with others, being defensive, showcasing our brilliance andseeking acceptance.’

‘Can you explain a bit bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘Sure,’ said Rakesh. ‘Comparing is an egoistic reaction that reduces our competitive edge. It indicatesour uncertainty about ourselves, and our work and on the other hand shows we are insecure about others. And when we get defensive,we tend to defend only ourselves and our work and miss out on the best ideas from others. We ignore feedback and stick todefending a single position closing out all other possibilities. And thirdly, when we showcase our brilliance, we try to prove that we’re superior to others, which makes people wary. In fact they become less receptive to our ideas when we push too hard, even if we have better ideas. And since our focus is on showcasing, we stop sharing and lose out on a variety of perspectives. And lastly, our behavior of seeking acceptance is bad for the team because  we do anything to please others and accept a lot of bad ideas. It indicates too little ego. Be aware of these four behaviors which indicate harmful ego that can cost you.’

‘Hmm, and what about good ego bhaiyya?’ asked Rinku.

‘Good ego comes from cultivating qualities such as humility, curiosity and veracity,’ said Rakesh.‘Let’s understand humilityfirst because it is wrongly understood as being the opposite of ego. Humility is notlack of ego but the correct balance between too much ego and too little ego, a balanced self-respectthat keeps you in a healthy space between thinking too much or too little of ourselves.Be aware of the good you bring, but also stay grounded. Humility comes from committing to learning, to progress of your team, from accepting that you are unique, but also that there’s much to learn and achieve.When we are committed to progress and learning, we don't have time for ego, because learning and ego do not coexist.’

‘But bhaiyya, will not humility take away from our intensity?’ asked Rinku.

‘Excellent question,’ said Rakesh. ‘It’s important not to lose intensity or intent by thinking wrongly that intensity is the opposite of being in a state of humility. We normally see intensity asbeing emotional, while humility is seen as a state of harmony, of zero intensity. In reality we must notget sidetracked by intense egoistic reactions such asgetting angry, irritatedand emotional, and get hijacked, which can cost us the big moments. Instead we should use our humility, the learning way,to be in a state of intense engagement, enthusiasm andexcited energy. To practice this behavior, separate the idea from the person- be intense about the idea and not about the identity. Don't take it personally and focus on progress and learning!’

‘And what about curiosity and veracity bhaiyya?’ asked Rinku.

‘A state of curiosity makes usopen to new things, said Rakesh. ‘Ideas develop fully and not partially. Curiosity brings in quality information and hastens progress. Similarly, Veracity sticks to truth, the big and real picture. It makes us open to see things as they are - notwhat we think but what is actually happening. It makes us encourage feedback. Encourage dissent and have people voice opinions to see the truth. Speak in a way that doesn't provoke others to be defensive. By cultivating the behaviors of humility, curiosity and veracity, we can make our ego our greatest asset.'   

‘Thanks bhaiyya,’ said Rahul. ‘That was very interesting. Now to make my ego work for me and my team and not lose big momentsby using it wrongly.’

Pro Tip: Your ego could be your greatestasset or your biggest liability depending on how you use it. Be aware of harmful egoistic reactions such as comparing, being defensive, showcasing your brilliance and seeking acceptance which can cost you. Cultivate behaviors such as humility, curiosity and veracity to benefit from good ego.